Secure attachment is certainly worth striving for, yet how do we aspire without feeling pressure to be perfect and get everything just right? Pressure and perfection are such pervasive themes among parents in our culture today that it can be hard not to assume even more pressure towards perfection and feel even more overwhelmed by bringing up this topic.

Attachment is formed early in our lives, highlighting the significant role that parents and caretakers have in connecting securely with their own children, yet the good news is that just because attachment is formed early, we do not have to be stuck in relationship patterns. There is hope for healing, insight, growth, change, and practice, so that more healthy attachment becomes the norm. In essence, moving towards secure attachment is always available and accessible. The invitation is there. It is possible.

It’s not that there is a perfect formula or an exact art to healthy relationships, but there are some significant signposts along the way that can help you know you are moving in the right direction--towards differentiation of self, yet connectedness with others.

And, yet, the resentment is there…under the surface—like a simmering cauldron. You are sad, hurt, disappointed, and/or angry. It may not be long until you feel yourself about to explode. And you feel this way often as it happens over and over again.

One source of this pattern of resentfulness and even anger may often be EXPECTATIONS.

Even speaking and hearing the word “boundaries” brings up a host of reactions in many of us. In fact, many people are simply not comfortable with the term. If it feels awkward to even talk about setting boundaries, it can feel even more difficult to actually set boundaries. Not only can it feel uncomfortable, but for many of us it actually feels mean and heartless to even consider setting a boundary. In this way, the assertive action of setting boundaries often is interpreted as aggression.

This invites us to reflect on who are my circles around me? What kind of people do I surround myself with and how do they influence me? Are they kind? Are they trustworthy? Do I feel good about myself when I am with them? Am I accepted, encouraged, and challenged in their presence? Can I be myself?