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Self-Compassion
So if the narrative in your mind is accusatory, is condemning, is harsh, is extremely critical, that's more of that self-judgment. It's not really helpful. And it takes something that's already hard, the event itself or the emotion itself or the circumstance, and it makes it so much harder because of the state it can kind of bring a person into when whereas self-compassion through self kindness is going to be more graceful, more forgiving, and it doesn't mean that you have to justify everything as no big deal…There still can be a true admittance of “I made a mistake or I didn't handle that in a way that I value or the way that I want.” But the message, the narrative is more about kindness, forgiveness, grace, and kind of a new day mindset…it's less all or nothing. All is not lost. And so it encourages someone to keep, keep striving and keep going and not lose hope.
What Makes Me Feel Like a Person?
And so however this lands with you today, I just want to encourage you to think about it, to get curious, to pause, to be reflective. What makes you feel like a person and are you making space for that? Are you leaning into that? Are you giving yourself permission to nurture and care for yourself? This ties into the larger concept of soul care. It encourages well-being and it also really connects to identity and can be, like I said, very rooting and grounding in difficult times.
Let’s Talk About Needs
...If you are listening today and you are in a marriage or a really close relationship with someone and that person's well being matters to you or is a top priority for you, that it is quite a gift to give that person to stop and pause and ask them what do they need?
What am I carrying that’s not mine to carry?
But this question is really asking about where am I taking on extra weight when it's not mine to carry? Where am I feeling extra responsibility or burden to fix something or to change something or to solve something?
Friendship in Life Transitions
But anytime someone moves to a new town or goes through any kind of major life change, some of the dynamics that can occur are that there can be a lot of loneliness. And again, even in the best of changes, it can feel so jolting that it's like, Who are my people? Am I alone? Am I connected? How do I feel?
Friendship that Refreshes
A concept that comes up a lot in the counseling world is just really noticing, even in your body, if you feel heavier and weighted down or if you feel lighter. And often with that lighter kind of dynamic comes more of a sense of freedom and more of a sense of encouragement kind of being lifted. And when that happens, it's just such a gift. And so, again, pay attention to your friendships. Which ones because of their kindness, because of their authenticity, because of how much they care for you and how they encourage you, refresh you on a soul level?
Name your values
And also, when we can name what we value the most, it can really help with kind of as a byproduct, really creating some openness and flexibility about the rest. So, for instance, if we value kindness the most in a friend or trustworthiness, then that's going to be a core value that really guides making and deepening friendships. And yet, when our core value is not what brand shoes someone has or what their hair looks like, then there is this openness to, you know, someone whose hair is different than yours, or who wears different kinds of shoes than your child does or than you do. And it's really a beautiful thing.
Delight in Small Things
I just wanted to share about the concept of really delighting in the small things, especially in the midst of everyday life, which sometimes can feel arduous and mundane and difficult. And sometimes it can be hard to even notice things that delight our souls. And yet that is such a foundational part of well being, and particularly the concept of soul care, which basically is self care and yet of a deeper variety...
Held & Free
In reflecting on it, it makes me think about relationships and this concept of safe haven, of nurturing, of security. When our needs are met along those lines and we feel held securely, it really does often create this freedom just to be, because we know our value, we know our worth, we know our voice. And this has so many ramifications across different relationships.