Many times the asks for our time are greater than maybe what we really have to give. And in that we're acknowledging some degree of having limits. As human beings, we are all capable of giving so much and doing so much. But sometimes we do need to rest, sometimes we do need to regroup. And so if part of the state of overwhelm is coming from a state of frenzy… “I don't have time because I'm never home,” then please consider looking at your calendar.

And a lot of our life is like this. We look for the negative. We look for what's not going well, what hurts us, what pains us. And while it is important to name those things and to make space for those things, we don't want to fixate our gaze, in a sense, in our minds, only on those things without grounding ourselves in the wider narrative so that we also take in what we're thankful for, what we're grateful for, noticing often through the lens of small things, the things that sustain us, the things that bring delight, the places in our life where we can say, “I have enough and it is good, and thank you, and I'm grateful.”

Just as that is one dimension, we also have this other dimension of meaning making, even in the hardest of times of beginning to ask the question—okay, given this reality, what brings joy or hope or any kind of meaning to this holiday season? What makes it feel more bearable? What sparks some light, kind of like opening a door or lifting a shade to a window? What brings light into this holiday season for me or what might bring it into this holiday season for my family?

And if you are experiencing a lot of burnout and a lot of stress, sometimes we really do need to examine our work itself. Certainly that can be a factor. And yet sometimes if we just look at our rhythms and ask ourselves —am I claiming space for rest? Am I claiming space for play? And if not, how can I cultivate that and then reflect back on how I feel. Because maybe the problem may not be work itself, it may be how we approach it, and it may be the boundaries we have around it. It may be what happens in that space outside of work. And this is really something that is not like flipping a switch. This is about a posture of kind of tuning in, of reflecting, of reexamining, of curiosity, and of trying some different things…

So if the narrative in your mind is accusatory, is condemning, is harsh, is extremely critical, that's more of that self-judgment. It's not really helpful. And it takes something that's already hard, the event itself or the emotion itself or the circumstance, and it makes it so much harder because of the state it can kind of bring a person into when whereas self-compassion through self kindness is going to be more graceful, more forgiving, and it doesn't mean that you have to justify everything as no big deal…There still can be a true admittance of “I made a mistake or I didn't handle that in a way that I value or the way that I want.” But the message, the narrative is more about kindness, forgiveness, grace, and kind of a new day mindset…it's less all or nothing. All is not lost. And so it encourages someone to keep, keep striving and keep going and not lose hope.

And so however this lands with you today, I just want to encourage you to think about it, to get curious, to pause, to be reflective. What makes you feel like a person and are you making space for that? Are you leaning into that? Are you giving yourself permission to nurture and care for yourself? This ties into the larger concept of soul care. It encourages well-being and it also really connects to identity and can be, like I said, very rooting and grounding in difficult times.

...If you are listening today and you are in a marriage or a really close relationship with someone and that person's well being matters to you or is a top priority for you, that it is quite a gift to give that person to stop and pause and ask them what do they need?

But this question is really asking about where am I taking on extra weight when it's not mine to carry? Where am I feeling extra responsibility or burden to fix something or to change something or to solve something?

But anytime someone moves to a new town or goes through any kind of major life change, some of the dynamics that can occur are that there can be a lot of loneliness. And again, even in the best of changes, it can feel so jolting that it's like, Who are my people? Am I alone? Am I connected? How do I feel?

A concept that comes up a lot in the counseling world is just really noticing, even in your body, if you feel heavier and weighted down or if you feel lighter. And often with that lighter kind of dynamic comes more of a sense of freedom and more of a sense of encouragement kind of being lifted. And when that happens, it's just such a gift. And so, again, pay attention to your friendships. Which ones because of their kindness, because of their authenticity, because of how much they care for you and how they encourage you, refresh you on a soul level?

And also, when we can name what we value the most, it can really help with kind of as a byproduct, really creating some openness and flexibility about the rest. So, for instance, if we value kindness the most in a friend or trustworthiness, then that's going to be a core value that really guides making and deepening friendships. And yet, when our core value is not what brand shoes someone has or what their hair looks like, then there is this openness to, you know, someone whose hair is different than yours, or who wears different kinds of shoes than your child does or than you do. And it's really a beautiful thing.

I just wanted to share about the concept of really delighting in the small things, especially in the midst of everyday life, which sometimes can feel arduous and mundane and difficult. And sometimes it can be hard to even notice things that delight our souls. And yet that is such a foundational part of well being, and particularly the concept of soul care, which basically is self care and yet of a deeper variety...

In reflecting on it, it makes me think about relationships and this concept of safe haven, of nurturing, of security. When our needs are met along those lines and we feel held securely, it really does often create this freedom just to be, because we know our value, we know our worth, we know our voice. And this has so many ramifications across different relationships.