Musing on Friendships
So often as we go about our “to do” lists and life responsibilities, it is so easy for friendships and time for friendships to get pushed to the side. Often this is not meant to intentionally hurt our friends, it’s just the reality of fulfilling daily work and responsibilities, and yet when we do this, we have to understand that there is a cost.
In a previous reflection, I wrote about self-care, and nurturing friendships ties directly into self-care. Like taking a breath, time with a good, dear friend inspires life.
At times we may find ourselves in a place of loneliness and uncertainty about who our good friends even are. During different seasons we have friends move away, get married, have children, pursue careers and dreams that take them geographically (and many times emotionally and mentally) to different parts of the world. In many ways friendships are continuously adjusting and shifting.
I like to think about social circles surrounding each of us. Many people find themselves having tons of acquaintances, a circle of good friends, and yet in our inner circle there truly is only the space and time to invest in a few friendships.
This invites us to reflect on who are my circles around me? What kind of people do I surround myself with and how do they influence me? Are they kind? Are they trustworthy? Do I feel good about myself when I am with them? Am I accepted, encouraged, and challenged in their presence? Can I be myself?
In turn, think about what kind of friend you are to your friends. Am I kind and trustworthy? Am I understanding and encouraging? Am I actually someone who listens to my friends instead of only talking about myself? We can all embrace the idea of moving towards being the kind of person that we hope our friends are to us.
Sometimes in friendships we get hurt and disappointed. Many times this connects to our expectations of our friends. We may have gone through something hard and our friend did not even ask how we were doing. We may feel left out when other friends were included in a get together and we were not. We want so badly to be known, loved, and understood and yet friendships fall short.
I love the wisdom of Henri Nouwen who shared that “No two friends are the same. Each has his or her own gift for us. When we expect one friend to have all we need, we will always be hypercritical, never completely happy with what he or she does have. One friend may offer us affection, another may stimulate our minds, another may strengthen our souls. The more we are able to receive the different gifts our friends have to give to us, the more able we will be to offer our own unique but limited gifts. Thus, friendships create a beautiful tapestry of love.” https://henrinouwen.org/meditation/friends-unique-gifts/
Elizabeth B. Burton is a licensed professional counselor and life coach with Burton Counseling, PLLC. Elizabeth lives just outside of Chattanooga, TN.; you can learn about Elizabeth here and about services provided here. Elizabeth also provides support to individuals and groups through an online course on Coping with Anxiety & Stress and through providing workshops and speaking opportunities. Elizabeth communicates about mental health and well-being through both the Narrating Hope newsletter and podcast as well as through her writing. Elizabeth would love to connect with you and welcomes you to sign up for the newsletter, listen in to the podcast, reach out about working together, and connect on social media.