As we enter the holidays, images abound around us that capture our ideals of how we want holidays to be and look in our homes and lives. Matching dresses, coordinating stockings, gourmet meals, beautifully wrapped presents, and while these things are so lovely, it can be helpful to keep before us what matters most.

I love the concept of presence instead of perfection. When we value presence more, it goes a long way in taking the pressure off and grounding us in what really matters.

Waiting can feel excruciating as it is often so tied up with uncertainty. Waiting also often invokes feeling powerless and being out of control. As we wait we are faced with uncertainty. We then have a choice around how to interact with these dynamics. Naturally, the waiting experience often contributes to anxiety.

So many of our life transitions involve big moments–going off to college, graduating, getting a first job, starting a family, etc., and we often wait and wait for these moments, yet the bulk of our life is lived in the smaller moments, the in between where we can still wait and hope for something, yet we are faced with the day before us and walking through that day.

It’s kind of like anxiety itself is a big ball of yarn, and as you untangle the massive ball of yarn, you address one section of string at a time, making it more concrete and not so overwhelming.

And, yet, there is another approach. It’s the idea of seeing anxiety through a lens of gentle acceptance, almost like it’s your old friend, who has come for a visit again. While you may not find yourself excited for this “visitor” to be here, you welcome her anyway.

In this way, self-care is less about this BIG thing that we do and more about small ways that we can integrate self-care into our days.

Ask Yourself: What can I do throughout the day to put myself in a calmer place, so that I can keep pouring out and keep connecting?

For those in a care-taking role of children, aging parents, or even a spouse or sibling dealing with a disease or disability, the needs are ever around you, always beckoning. In this way, you may find yourself constantly in a stress response yourself--experiencing anxiety and a sense of being overwhelmed almost all the time.