The Paradox of Embracing Anxiety More Gently
Anxiety can be so intense and so confusing. Anxiety can be experienced in different ways including heightened alert, cycling thoughts that continue running through your mind, and all the myriad of physical reactions--feeling sick to your stomach, tight muscles, clenched fists, etc.
We know that in general anxiety is not fun to experience, so naturally we conclude that it is to be avoided, shut down, and evaded at all costs.
And while this is true to an extent as we certainly do not want anxiety to grow in power and take over our lives, steal our joy, keep us weighted down, shackled, etc., there is actually something about gently receiving anxiety that is part of the solution.
This sounds so paradoxical and mind-blowing, and yet isn’t it true?
Often the more we tell ourselves “don’t be anxious, don’t be anxious, don’t be anxious,” we just find ourselves hyper-focused on our anxiety, even to the point of it spiraling up in intensity.
In instances like these we often become more anxious because we fear the anxiety itself, which only gives it power and makes it more debilitating.
And, yet, there is another approach. It’s the idea of seeing anxiety through a lens of gentle acceptance, almost like it’s your old friend, who has come for a visit again. While you may not find yourself excited for this “visitor” to be here, you welcome her anyway.
Instead of trying so hard to fight it, telling it to go away, while feeling your anxiety spiral up and generate a sense of panic, consider an opposite response.
Something like “Anxiety here you are again. While I don’t love this feeling, I am okay, safe, and able to cope through it. I’m going to begin by taking deep breaths, through my nose. I may even get real still, so that I can focus only on my breath. I have lots of choices, though, in how I respond. If I can leave home or the place that I am in, I may go for a walk and help this anxiety begin to shift and move. Or I may put on some music and start to stretch or even do some yoga.”
When we recognize anxiety for what it is and call it anxiety, it helps us to experience anxiety more gracefully for what it is, without it taking over. The key goal is first to receive it with acceptance for what it is and then help it gently shift in focus, so that you are able to experience calm again. While paradoxical and maybe counterintuitive from all natural instincts, it may be that such gentle acceptance is actually a pathway to developing resistance to the power of anxiety and a better, more peaceful way of being all around.
Elizabeth B. Burton is a licensed professional counselor and life coach with Burton Counseling, PLLC. Elizabeth lives just outside of Chattanooga, TN.; you can learn about Elizabeth here and about services provided here. Elizabeth also provides support to individuals and groups through an online course on Coping with Anxiety & Stress and through providing workshops and speaking opportunities. Elizabeth communicates about mental health and well-being through both the Narrating Hope newsletter and podcast as well as through her writing. Elizabeth would love to connect with you and welcomes you to sign up for the newsletter, listen in to the podcast, reach out about working together, and connect on social media.