Presence Instead of Perfection
As we enter the holidays, images abound around us that capture our ideals of how we want holidays to be and look in our homes and lives. Matching dresses, coordinating stockings, gourmet meals, beautifully wrapped presents, and while these things are so lovely, it can be helpful to keep before us what matters most.
I love the concept of presence instead of perfection. When we value presence more, it goes a long way in taking the pressure off and grounding us in what really matters. Last Christmas I experienced this firsthand as we closed on our new home right before Christmas, which meant we got to decide if we should actually move in before or after Christmas. My first thought was that we would 100% without a doubt move after Christmas. After wrestling with this a little bit, we realized that we were so abundantly grateful for a more permanent home after having been in a rental for several months. The context for this was that the real estate market was so intense at this time, leading us to a deeper sense of gratitude for our home. In addition, our kids let us know that they would love to go ahead and move in and celebrate Christmas in our new home. They did not care a bit for how things "should" be; instead they simply were excited and thrilled with the opportunity before us. Their childlike excitement inspired us, and after a good bit of deliberation, we decided to move before Christmas.
This meant letting go of a lot of any semblance of perfection and ideals around how ready we might be for Christmas. This also meant an opportunity to cling to what Christmas is really about. Moving on the 21st of December was stressful (isn’t moving always stressful?), yet it led to such a valuable experience of grounding us in what matters. While we did set up a tree and hung stockings on the 23rd of December, that was about it. Despite minimal decorations, I wonder if I will always look back at this being one of our most special Christmases where most of all, we simply were grateful.
I share this reflection simply as an invitation to consider what really matters to you. If presence matters to you more than perfection, then consider how this might look in your life. This is not about getting this concept perfectly right. As often, it’s simply an invitation to consider presence and what it means to you and perhaps to consider laying down perfection.
The dearest part of our move was that the seller of the home left us a simple nativity set up, a gift from her to us, welcoming us into her home which is now our home, and with the visual image of what Christmas is really about.
Practicing Presence Instead of Perfection...:
Practicing presence might be like paying more attention to how you feel rather than how things look.
Practicing presence might be like showing up for yourself and letting go of appearances or shoulds around your schedule and commitments.
Practicing presence might be like spending less and spending time together instead.
Practicing presence might be like taking some time off of work (If you can!).
Practicing presence might be like a warm cup of tea and reading, a conversation, or some quiet.
Practicing presence might be like expressing thanks for the good gifts in your life.
Practicing presence might be like slowing down.
Practicing presence might be like making time for a favorite home cooked meal or choosing something easy to eat to make space for connection and to get out of the kitchen (depending on what you need).
Practicing presence might be like inviting others into your home even when it’s not perfectly clean or put together.
Practicing presence might be like not going into debt over gifts, to give yourself financial margin to be generous, yet not under undue stress.
Practicing presence might be like saying yes to an invitation; it might also look like declining an invitation.
Practicing presence might be like prioritizing relationships over tasks.
Practicing presence might be like considering your personal limits and/or boundaries in regards to what you can give, so that when you say yes, you say yes wholeheartedly and with authenticity.
Practicing presence might be like asking yourself what you can let go of or if not let go of completely, what can you put lower on your priority list and embrace as good enough, so you can prioritize what matters most.
Practicing presence might be like paying attention to your thoughts and keeping a check on narrow, precise thinking that everything must be "just so" as well as catastrophic thinking that puts unnecessary pressure on yourself.
In Closing:
Perfection is so incredibly linked with intense pressure, extra stress, rigid thinking, and the necessity to get everything just right. Consider instead values and ideals that are still good, but a little softer, creating more margin, and a chance to breathe. As we make this transition from Thanksgiving to Advent, the time leading to Christmas, I wish each of you the gift of presence and the freedom, peace, and feelings of well-being that come along with letting go of perfection.
Elizabeth B. Burton is a licensed professional counselor and life coach with Burton Counseling, PLLC. Elizabeth lives just outside of Chattanooga, TN.; you can learn about Elizabeth here and about services provided here. Elizabeth also provides support to individuals and groups through an online course on Coping with Anxiety & Stress and through providing workshops and speaking opportunities. Elizabeth communicates about mental health and well-being through both the Narrating Hope newsletter and podcast as well as through her writing. Elizabeth would love to connect with you and welcomes you to sign up for the newsletter, listen in to the podcast, reach out about working together, and connect on social media.