Closing the Year and Beginning a New Year Softly with Self-Compassion
As the year draws to a close, I wanted to share a few thoughts on self-compassion. Self-compassion is about practicing gentleness and kindness to yourself. This manifests as more grace and less judgement towards yourself as with awareness of that inner critic and voice, comes the opportunity to reframe the narrative towards what is true.
One component of self-compassion is receiving *what is* with more grace and acceptance. As you reflect on the year, there may have been a lot that brings joy, makes you smile, delights your soul, and there may have also been heartbreak, grief, exhaustion, trials, sickness, and a myriad of other challenges. The idea here is that joy and pain are not mutually exclusive of each other. There is a complexity to our emotions and our lives, and when we begin to understand that these dynamics are wrapped up and hidden within one another, it can help us walk through the dynamics themselves. In this sense, by making space for less all or nothing thinking, that things must be perfect to be good or else they are catastrophic, we move towards a place where we can delight in what brings joy and express grief and sadness over what is difficult to bear—all at the same time.
This time of year naturally invites reflection. While the stillness and solitude can be difficult at times, ushering in more room to feel, navigating the feelings and dynamics with self-compassion can soften your experience. This softening helps with the integration of what has been good and what has been so very hard.
A Few Examples of Self-Compassion:
If you are grieving a loss and shed tears, remember that that does not mean you are weak or that something is wrong with you. Receive the tears with self-compassion and hold onto the knowledge that you are made with emotions and that there is something really beautiful to letting those tears fall and traveling in and through the grief experience.
If you have more time alone, this does not mean that you are not loved and that no one wants to spend time with you, it’s simply an opportunity to press into solitude knowing that you have worth and value no matter your social calendar and engagements. And, yet, when you are ready, keep before you how important social connectedness is and reach out to someone.
If your life looks differently financially, relationally, etc. than where you wanted it to be at this time, this does not mean that you are a failure and are unsuccessful. It’s simply an opportunity to reflect on what is within your realm of influence and how can you take steps forward towards where you want to be with small, steady decisions and habits or perhaps a big leap of faith.
Other people may appear to be so much happier, prettier, wealthier, and have it so much more together whenever you look at social media. Pay attention to this and remind yourself that you never know what’s going on behind the scenes in the inner worlds of others. Focus on what you know to be true and what you can control and making decisions that make you feel more content, grounded, and joyful in your own life. Maybe consider hopping off social media for a little bit to see how it affects your well-being.
Reflecting and Dreaming:
Consider what has been most life-giving for you this past year. What has sustained you and given you nurturing, breath, grounding, and hope?
What parts of this last year have grieved you? Remember this can be about losing someone you love, but also about living grief as you sit with unrealized dreams, job losses, health issues, addiction, etc.
What are your hopes for the new year? If something were to shift and change, what would be most meaningful to you?
What would integrating self-compassion into the new year feel and look like for you?
When you consider your hopes and desires for the new year, what can you help influence?
If you consider these four aspects of wellness—mental, emotional, physical, and spiritual, which one is perhaps inviting you to give it a little or a lot more attention and nurturing?
Elizabeth B. Burton is a licensed professional counselor and life coach with Burton Counseling, PLLC. Elizabeth lives just outside of Chattanooga, TN.; you can learn about Elizabeth here and about services provided here. Elizabeth also provides support to individuals and groups through an online course on Coping with Anxiety & Stress and through providing workshops and speaking opportunities. Elizabeth communicates about mental health and well-being through both the Narrating Hope newsletter and podcast as well as through her writing. Elizabeth would love to connect with you and welcomes you to sign up for the newsletter, listen in to the podcast, reach out about working together, and connect on social media.