I hope that it's encouraging for anyone listening who has tried counseling before and it wasn't a great experience. It may be that the relationship wasn't what it needed to be. And does that mean you have to write off counseling altogether? Or is it possible that there could be a better connection with a different counselor?

And so my hope would be today that if you are someone who can very much relate to, yes, I have that scarcity mindset, then take notice. Where does it show up in your life? Is it about your body? Is it about your finances? Is it about your home, your profession, your parenting, your personality? And by noticing it and being cognizant that you naturally maybe go to that thought narrative, then you're in a position to intentionally consider what is it about these pictures or this other person's story that I'm hearing that's maybe a longing for me, and I can name that and I can notice it.

And once you can identify a core belief or two that might be driving a lot of your choices and your behavior, then when you're ready, you can begin to challenge those beliefs and work towards a reframe. So, for example, if my belief is that I need to please people at all times, I can work towards a more realistic understanding of relationships-- that it's not my job to please people at all times, but I can still value peacemaking and pleasing as something I generally bring to the table.

And what I really love is to elevate authenticity instead of perfectionism. Because you are a human being, and as a human being, how can you be real? And often being authentic is vulnerable, so sometimes we kind of shy away from that. And perfectionism feels kind of like a shield, like something we can hide behind…

Not only is that not true, but maybe there's an alternative narrative. Something like, “I'm a person of worth and value, and there's a seat at the table for me, and I'm allowed to take up some space. I'm allowed to have a voice and to show up as I am.” Not based on my accomplishments or my accolades or my productivity or my appearance or the size of my body or the state of my bank account, my relationship status, my ability to play sports or to cook a good meal or to have a beautifully decorated home or really, really nice clothes. None of that is related to that inherent worthiness. It is a given. It is a non negotiable in a world that maybe doesn't tell us that. And so we have to work to cultivate that for ourselves.

Just as that is one dimension, we also have this other dimension of meaning making, even in the hardest of times of beginning to ask the question—okay, given this reality, what brings joy or hope or any kind of meaning to this holiday season? What makes it feel more bearable? What sparks some light, kind of like opening a door or lifting a shade to a window? What brings light into this holiday season for me or what might bring it into this holiday season for my family?

And if you are experiencing a lot of burnout and a lot of stress, sometimes we really do need to examine our work itself. Certainly that can be a factor. And yet sometimes if we just look at our rhythms and ask ourselves —am I claiming space for rest? Am I claiming space for play? And if not, how can I cultivate that and then reflect back on how I feel. Because maybe the problem may not be work itself, it may be how we approach it, and it may be the boundaries we have around it. It may be what happens in that space outside of work. And this is really something that is not like flipping a switch. This is about a posture of kind of tuning in, of reflecting, of reexamining, of curiosity, and of trying some different things…