I hope that it's encouraging for anyone listening who has tried counseling before and it wasn't a great experience. It may be that the relationship wasn't what it needed to be. And does that mean you have to write off counseling altogether? Or is it possible that there could be a better connection with a different counselor?

And so my hope would be today that if you are someone who can very much relate to, yes, I have that scarcity mindset, then take notice. Where does it show up in your life? Is it about your body? Is it about your finances? Is it about your home, your profession, your parenting, your personality? And by noticing it and being cognizant that you naturally maybe go to that thought narrative, then you're in a position to intentionally consider what is it about these pictures or this other person's story that I'm hearing that's maybe a longing for me, and I can name that and I can notice it.

And once you can identify a core belief or two that might be driving a lot of your choices and your behavior, then when you're ready, you can begin to challenge those beliefs and work towards a reframe. So, for example, if my belief is that I need to please people at all times, I can work towards a more realistic understanding of relationships-- that it's not my job to please people at all times, but I can still value peacemaking and pleasing as something I generally bring to the table.

Just as that is one dimension, we also have this other dimension of meaning making, even in the hardest of times of beginning to ask the question—okay, given this reality, what brings joy or hope or any kind of meaning to this holiday season? What makes it feel more bearable? What sparks some light, kind of like opening a door or lifting a shade to a window? What brings light into this holiday season for me or what might bring it into this holiday season for my family?

And if you are experiencing a lot of burnout and a lot of stress, sometimes we really do need to examine our work itself. Certainly that can be a factor. And yet sometimes if we just look at our rhythms and ask ourselves —am I claiming space for rest? Am I claiming space for play? And if not, how can I cultivate that and then reflect back on how I feel. Because maybe the problem may not be work itself, it may be how we approach it, and it may be the boundaries we have around it. It may be what happens in that space outside of work. And this is really something that is not like flipping a switch. This is about a posture of kind of tuning in, of reflecting, of reexamining, of curiosity, and of trying some different things…

So if the narrative in your mind is accusatory, is condemning, is harsh, is extremely critical, that's more of that self-judgment. It's not really helpful. And it takes something that's already hard, the event itself or the emotion itself or the circumstance, and it makes it so much harder because of the state it can kind of bring a person into when whereas self-compassion through self kindness is going to be more graceful, more forgiving, and it doesn't mean that you have to justify everything as no big deal…There still can be a true admittance of “I made a mistake or I didn't handle that in a way that I value or the way that I want.” But the message, the narrative is more about kindness, forgiveness, grace, and kind of a new day mindset…it's less all or nothing. All is not lost. And so it encourages someone to keep, keep striving and keep going and not lose hope.