Walking through Life Adjustments & Transitions
So often throughout our lives we find ourselves in the midst of a life adjustment, and many of them feel major, causing for significant shifts in our lives in regards to our daily balance and rhythm, emotional state, and sometimes affecting the core of our identity and faith. Some adjustments are the opposite as they are seemingly small and more minor, yet those too may impact us more than we realize.
Developmentally, adjustments are a part of life. They are ongoing and often come one after another just like waves on the beach. In college, many of us find ourselves leaving home for the first time and adjusting to daily life apart from family. While this ushers in excitement and adventure, it can also bring on loneliness and learning to be okay with some solitude.
We face all sorts of adjustments--starting college, graduating college and adjusting to graduate school or beginning career steps involving learning to financially provide for ourselves. We face adjustments in relationships and friendships--times of connection and times of parting ways and the grief that comes with relationship break ups or distance that sometimes arises in friendships. We make friends and walk through life with friends and then friends scatter and move to various places sometimes miles and miles away from us. We adjust to moving locations ourselves; sometimes we may find ourselves moving about every year and yearning to put down some roots. Sometimes there is a continuous cycle of new towns, new apartments, and the need to establish a new home.
We may be adjusting to marriage and sharing our life closely with someone in a way that brings profound joy and yet at times profound disappointment when there is conflict or we do not feel known or loved. Some of us are adjusting to becoming a parent for the first time. We may be adjusting to the chaos of multiple children or the grief of wanting to grow your family and it not happening. Sometimes we may find ourselves seeing things we hope for happening in friends’ lives, but not in your own, and thus adjusting to how it feels for something you long for to not be coming to fruition.
We are constantly adjusting to careers and shifting roles in regards to providing for ourselves and/or our families. Many of us are adjusting to juggling care-taking of children or parents or other loved ones. This brings ongoing adjustments of tending to others while also trying to care for ourselves. We face adjustments with getting older, children leaving home, an unexpected diagnosis, retirement and shifts in career identity, and the list goes on.
Many of these life adjustments usher in great joy and gratitude and the knowledge that we do not live stagnant lives as we are ever changing and growing. Yet, some of these adjustments bring on seasons of grief and mourning as we at some point in our journeys find ourselves adjusting to loss and having to say goodbye to a loved one. We also may find ourselves adjusting to realizing some of our dreams have not been realized and that life has taken a different course than we hoped for.
It seems that some of us almost glide through life adjustments--hardly batting an eye and handling shifts in life with absolute grace, and yet for many of us, adjustments at times feel really hard. They can leave us struggling and even clinging to what was and fearful of the new normal that our lives are transitioning into. Sometimes we choose the life adjustment and that might make it easier to walk through, yet other times adjustments happen to us and may leave us feeling helpless and wondering where our own voice is.
I want to encourage you all to press on and forward through various life adjustments. While we want to reflect on the past and cherish certain memories, we also want to keep walking forward in a hopeful way. Even if the adjustment feels as foreign as traveling far from home, consider looking for the goodness hidden in the new phase of life. Consider that maybe there is an opportunity for growth, even an invitation that may not be obvious. Give yourself permission to walk through the adjustment and express the emotions that arise with it along the way. Reach out to your support system even if it’s a shifting and changing support system, so that you remember that you are not alone. Be open to trying some new things that might add sparks of joy amidst the adjustment--like yoga or a new hobby. Whatever you do, don’t lose hope.
Elizabeth B. Burton is a licensed professional counselor and life coach with Burton Counseling, PLLC. Elizabeth lives just outside of Chattanooga, TN.; you can learn about Elizabeth here and about services provided here. Elizabeth also provides support to individuals and groups through an online course on Coping with Anxiety & Stress and through providing workshops and speaking opportunities. Elizabeth communicates about mental health and well-being through both the Narrating Hope newsletter and podcast as well as through her writing. Elizabeth would love to connect with you and welcomes you to sign up for the newsletter, listen in to the podcast, reach out about working together, and connect on social media.