Decision Making Reflections
I have always been someone who puts a lot of weight onto decisions, pondering them from all angles, processing them with those I am closest to to the point of wearing my people out! Deliberation over decisions is something I value greatly. I have always believed that the choices we make influence the direction our lives take, and yet we can not fully plan our lives. There is an aspect of decision making that involves surrendering full control, learning to hold things more lightly, trusting that you do not have to figure it all out.
I remember being taught one time that way more important than the decisions we make is the kind of person we are becoming. If we are moving in the direction of kindness, empathy, integrity, and courage, the rest will follow.
Sometimes at play in decision making is great fear and anxiety of making the wrong decision. This fear can paralyze us even in small things. Have you ever felt so frozen and fatigued by decisions that even deciding what to order at a restaurant feels stressful because you so badly want it to be the “right thing” that you will enjoy?
There is great freedom in beginning to understand that while decisions matter, so does the journey. Even if our original decisions end up not being the lasting course that we stick to, they are not made in vain. For example, many of us begin one career path and ultimately shift gears, feeling moved and called to a different field altogether. Instead of viewing the money and time spent on the previous endeavor as a waste of time and a mistake, consider that it helped grow you to be where you are now.
It is easy to shame ourselves into “should” thinking. We tell ourselves “I should have chosen differently” and focus on regrets, but typically we are all doing the best we can and choosing as best we could at that time in our lives. This kind of thinking is never helpful and keeps us shackled in many ways. Consider giving yourself grace and compassion when you reflect on decisions you have made in the past.
I am finding that thinking through decisions is important and valuable, yet so is faith and trust and ultimately moving forward without having it all figured out. We simply have to take a step forward towards what we value and then ultimately take another step.
This past Spring and Summer I have been listening to Emily P. Freeman’s podcast called The Next Right Thing and relishing her voice and insight regarding decision making. She simplifies the decision making perspective from having to figure everything out to simply taking the next step. For me this has been helpful is small everyday things such as beginning to tackle cleaning my house to bigger decisions about my work and our family. This particular episode is especially insightful as she frames decision making in a way that beckons the listener to consider “What is life giving?” rather than making a typical pro/con list when approaching decisions. I hope listening to her will be a gift to you as you reflect on where you are in how you view decision making and ultimately move to a place of more confidence and freedom.
Elizabeth B. Burton is a licensed professional counselor and life coach with Burton Counseling, PLLC. Elizabeth lives just outside of Chattanooga, TN.; you can learn about Elizabeth here and about services provided here. Elizabeth also provides support to individuals and groups through an online course on Coping with Anxiety & Stress and through providing workshops and speaking opportunities. Elizabeth communicates about mental health and well-being through both the Narrating Hope newsletter and podcast as well as through her writing. Elizabeth would love to connect with you and welcomes you to sign up for the newsletter, listen in to the podcast, reach out about working together, and connect on social media.