Attunement & Productivity: Learning to Care for Ourselves Well Amidst All the Tasks
So much of our lives are focused on checklists, productivity, responsibilities, and things we need to accomplish. All of these things typically are purposeful, and it certainly feels great to check things off and feel like we are moving forward whether at work or around the home or more broadly with life goals. Yet, sometimes we go about this focus with tunnel vision at the expense of ourselves. We, at times, elevate productivity as the most important value instead of simply an important value, and in this place of such focus on productivity, we neglect caring for ourselves along the way. When we can widen our perspective and integrate a broader view that actually sees our own well-being as an incredibly important, then there is room to care for ourselves better instead of single handedly focusing on tasks.
Attunement is the concept of actually paying attention to what you need, and in that posture of noticing needs, seeking to meet them. Think about an incredibly devoted parent who scans for what their baby needs. Is my baby hungry? Does my baby need sleep? Is my baby reading to play and engage? Does my baby need his or her diaper changed? A bath? Is my baby sick and needing extra care? Or a devoted gardener, who tenderly cares for his or her garden. Do my plants need more sunlight? To be fertilized? To be free from pests? To have more protection from the elements? These examples bring life to this concept of tenderly caring for our own needs.
Many times, this posture of care comes a lot more naturally when directed outward towards others than it does towards ourselves, and yet, especially in adulthood, having a pulse on your own well-being, how you are doing, and what you need, is profound. No one can read your mind or to be expected to meet all your needs. Attunement can look like periodically scanning your body, your mind, your spirit, and your emotions, with a lens that seeks to notice how you are feeling and doing and what you need to feel more rested, more whole, more well, and more connected.
Attunement is built on the foundational premise that your needs actually matter. Aundi Kolber in Try Softer writes about the concept of white-knuckling, having a “push through” mentality no matter the cost. As you can imagine, this is often a survival response and quite natural, and yet often there’s an invitation to a new way of being in relationship with yourself that encourages paying attention, compassion, tenderness, and nurturing.
Attunement is not solely for the benefit of ourselves. By practicing attunement, ideally you are more connected and filled up yourself which positions you well to care for the needs of others in a sustainable, ongoing way. Just like you scan your body to notice and pay attention to whether you are thirsty or hungry, attunement postures us to ask these questions.
Am I tired? Do I need rest?
Am I lonely?
Am I needing connection relationally?
What emotion or emotions am I feeling? Name and validate the feeling as simply a feeling without shame.
What is happening in my body right now? Is my stomach in knots, are my shoulders tense, my heart racing, etc.? What does my body need?
Would a walk or yoga or some other kind of movement feel good to me right now?
Do I need more support?
What is life-giving to me right now? Elevate the small things–music, getting outside, good food, prayer, journaling, calling a friend.
What helps me calm down and feel safe?
What wakes me up (in a healthy way) and helps me feel more alive and connected to myself and the world around me?
What grounds me spiritually?
Of course, there is still the issue of tasks and productivity, yet often attunement helps us with this dance, so that we can prioritize what is most important in a given a moment, and make sure that we are actually taken care of instead of utterly depleted by solely focusing on productivity. This looks different for different people, depending on what you need, but often looks like integrating rhythms of rest and replenishment, play and refreshment, into our daily lives. This may look like making sure you actually stop work to eat and nourish yourself. This may look like intentionally going to bed even when the house is not all picked up. This may look like taking a quick walk before resuming more work. This may look like knowing that you could use some support and taking the step to reach out.
Attunement may feel very foreign and uncomfortable at first, but just like choosing to start exercising, it’s a muscle that you can strengthen by practicing it little by little. Attunement involves taking eyes off of just the checklists and paying attention to your inner state and narrative, so that you can challenge any kind of thinking that views rest as laziness, breaks as for the weak, having needs as meaning you are needy in a negative way, and actually holding up the truth that your needs actually do matter. Instead, It’s bringing awareness to noticing how you are doing on the inside and for tending for ourselves along the way.
For Reflection
If you have not been so attuned to your own well-being, how can you begin to practice more attunement?
What is your inner narrative around productivity?
Do you elevate the completion of tasks even above your own well-being?
Do you believe that your needs actually matter?
What kind of connection is there between faith and attunement especially the belief that you are of incredible worth and worthy of care?
How might cultivating more attunement impact your relationships?
Elizabeth B. Burton is a licensed professional counselor with Burton Counseling, PLLC. In addition to counseling, Elizabeth provides life coaching, courses/workshops, and writing. You can learn more about the course on Coping with Anxiety & Stress here, and if you are interested in workshops, you can learn more here.
Elizabeth provides online counseling to individual adults living in Tennessee, Mississippi, and Georgia. Elizabeth provides in person counseling for individuals located near Chattanooga, TN. You can learn more about counseling with Elizabeth here.
Elizabeth provides life coaching to individual adults and couples living anywhere. Life coaching services are available online, and in person coaching is available for individuals located near Chattanooga, TN. You can learn more about life coaching with Elizabeth here.
In her free time, Elizabeth enjoys reading and shares book recommendations for adults here and for children here.