Caregiving in a Sustainable Way
Caregiving takes so many forms, yet throughout various scenarios, the essence is the same. Caregiving involves one person or persons taking care of someone else. Parenting involves continuous caregiving–with caring for physical, mental, emotional, spiritual, and financial needs for days upon days, years upon years, yet caregiving also spans into other relationships. Children caring for parents, spouses caring for one another, siblings caring for each other, caregiving for friends and animals, etc. Caregiving often gets more complicated and necessary with aging, diagnoses, special needs, etc. What greater love is there really than to care for another, and yet how profoundly exhausting it is at the exact same time. If caregiving is not just for a very short season, then it’s especially important to examine and take into account what makes caregiving more sustainable.
Elevating Rest
There is a term in the foster and adoption world called respite care. It’s the idea that even the most incredible caregivers need respite and to catch their breath. This concept is powerful and elevates the necessity and benefit of rest for all caregivers. The point of the break, the breathing room, and the extra rest, is so that you can fill up yourself, which helps you keep pouring out. It’s about continued refueling for the long term marathon, not just the sprint.
Caring for Yourself & Others
Caring for yourself, so that you can care for others is not a new idea, but it’s one I return to time and time again. It challenges the belief that caring for yourself is selfish. It also simply resonates from a practical perspective. How would someone ever keep pouring out if they did not have opportunities to fill up themselves? Another belief that can sometimes take hold in regards to the concept of caring for oneself is that caring for myself is a luxury–one that I am not afforded. While this may be true if you perceive caring for yourself as only meaning massages, manicures, and expensive spa days or even hour plus long workout classes that you can not go to because of your responsibilities, that still does not mean that you are not able to afford caring for yourself. Time and time again, the wisdom of daily rhythms of caring for oneself is about small, often inexpensive things that ground someone and make them feel like a whole person.
Build a Support Network
Building a support network for caregiving, so that you don’t go it alone can be an incredibly powerful and tangible support for caregivers. Having someone you trust step into your role even for short periods of time can breathe so much life into the caregiving experience. Even simply having someone else be on call for a weekend if help is needed instead of it only being you time and time again can provide a much needed mental and emotional break. Building a support network is made more possible if you can trust and have confidence in another caregiver. Trust is key. Otherwise, we just naturally conclude that caregiving rests solely on our own shoulders, that we have to go it alone, and so we are more likely to be completely and utterly exhausted.
Communicate What you Need
Often a theme that comes up with caregiving is that someone who gives so much may naturally feel some resentment towards others who are not helping at all or very much. If this is the case and your needs are going unspoken, practice assertive communication that does not blame or accuse someone else, but that focuses on expressing and naming what you need. This may involve actually voicing a need for help, which is sometimes hard to do. We all have limits and can potentially benefit from a helping hand and some time to regroup.
Integrate Your Own Well-Being into Caregiving
Whenever possible, seek to line up your caregiving with what is also good for you, so that there is a win/win dynamic with your time. That is naturally not always possible, but it can go a long way in helping the caregiving be more sustainable. If you enjoy being outside, how can you care for someone in a way that helps get you outside more? If that’s not possible, who can step in to care to allow you to take a walk, go for a run, or just sit in the sunshine for a few minutes? If you enjoy listening to music and it's calming and life-giving, can you play music in the midst of the caregiving? This sounds so simple really, but many times it can make a world of difference especially if you take time to notice what small things are life-giving to you.
Letting Go of Extra to Say Yes to Caregiving
If we normalize that caregiving is exhausting and takes extra energy, then what can you let go of to give yourself more margin for caregiving? Is a gourmet meal every night realistic? A pristine house? Serving on every board and volunteer committee? What gives you more room to say yes to caregiving? Yet, what extra commitments are most meaningful and worth saying yes to even while caregiving? Which ones help refresh you to keep serving and loving and caring?
For Refection
What supports do you need to make caregiving more sustainable?
Is there anyone who can share in the caregiving role with you?
What can you do that is good for the person you are caring for, but also good for your well-being too?
If you are resentful of others for not helping, how can you channel that resentment towards assertively communicating what you need?
What do you need on a daily basis to be filled up yourself, so that you can keep pouring out?
What does rest look like for you when you are in a caregiving role?
How can you claim opportunities to rest even when it’s complicated and not easy to access?
Elizabeth B. Burton is a licensed professional counselor with Burton Counseling, PLLC. In addition to counseling, Elizabeth provides life coaching, courses/workshops, and writing. You can learn more about the course on Coping with Anxiety & Stress here, and if you are interested in workshops, you can learn more here.
Elizabeth provides online counseling to individual adults living in Tennessee, Mississippi, and Georgia. Elizabeth provides in person counseling for individuals located near Chattanooga, TN. You can learn more about counseling with Elizabeth here.
Elizabeth provides life coaching to individual adults and couples living anywhere. Life coaching services are available online, and in person coaching is available for individuals located near Chattanooga, TN. You can learn more about life coaching with Elizabeth here.
In her free time, Elizabeth enjoys reading and shares book recommendations for adults here and for children here.