Remaining in the Flow of Emotional Regulation
Dr. Daniel Siegel in The Whole Brain Child shares a powerful image for mental health. He asks readers to picture themselves in a canoe in a river. When you are flowing with the river, you are generally at peace with yourself, others, and the world around you. This does not mean everything is perfect, but it does mean that there is a grounded confidence in yourself and your interactions with others. It reminds me of the idea of knowing that we are enough, while at the same time believing that those around us are enough too. We are not so critical of ourselves or others; we are less reactive and more accepting. Again, while it’s not perfect, there is a dominant feeling of calm and peace.
He goes on to emphasize that throughout our days, we often hit the banks and are no longer in the flow of the river. One bank represents chaos and the other rigidity. When we hit one bank and things feel too chaotic, for instance, we may react by clinging to structure, yet he warns not to go too far and become too rigid.
I love this image. It is powerful and a dynamic I can relate to.
If there’s ever a time that the world feels chaotic, it’s right now. For many of us, our homes feel chaotic as well as we try to be all things at the same time--parent, worker, teacher, housekeeper, preparer of all the meals, and the list goes on.
Typically going to work, school, church are pillars of normalcy in how we go about our days, weeks, months, and seasons. To have that suddenly converted to the best online version of those things that we can access due to fear of contracting a terrible virus and a desire to protect others, is a dynamic that we have never known. It calls for a great deal of flexibility and adjustment if we are to remain in the flow of the river as Dr. Daniel Siegel emphasizes.
We have to quickly adapt to a new normal--whatever that is.
I want to encourage you to consider your own river of well-being. For those of you who are parents, consider your children’s river of well-beings as well. What do you need to remain in the flow during this time? What do they need? I believe our children are more likely to access that place of well-being if we are in that place ourselves.
Elizabeth B. Burton is a licensed professional counselor and life coach with Burton Counseling, PLLC. Elizabeth lives just outside of Chattanooga, TN.; you can learn about Elizabeth here and about services provided here. Elizabeth also provides support to individuals and groups through an online course on Coping with Anxiety & Stress and through providing workshops and speaking opportunities. Elizabeth communicates about mental health and well-being through both the Narrating Hope newsletter and podcast as well as through her writing. Elizabeth would love to connect with you and welcomes you to sign up for the newsletter, listen in to the podcast, reach out about working together, and connect on social media.