It is very natural as people to be critical, to focus on the negative in a way where we take everything else really out of context and we build up and blow up the negative thought as truth, as everything, as the end of the story and it's just not. And when we can start to recognize that it's just a critical thought, just a critical thought about my body or a part of my body, but it doesn't tell the whole story. And then we can ground ourselves in really asking the question, what do I like about my body? My thoughts are naturally going to go to what I don't like and what I don't feel confident about. But how can I widen the context towards also looking at what I do like and naming that and grounding myself in the truth that none of us as real people are meant to have this media image, body or appearance all the time.

And it's a very natural phenomenon and very normal for someone to conclude if I just avoid what makes me anxious, then I will be safe, then I will be okay, then I will be less triggered. And while those things might be true in the short run, often over time, it's not a sustainable long term coping strategy. Because many times what we are avoiding are actually the things that help us grow and help us develop competence and help us develop a sense that we can navigate and be okay in and through hard things, that we can be triggered and be okay.

And I recognize that in the world that we live in, we are often rushing and going and hurrying from one thing to the next. Even how we might approach just each day through a to do list and checking things off, there can be this sense of “my whole day is based on my productivity.” And of course it feels great to check things off, but what happens sometimes is that we get in kind of an autopilot dynamic... And it takes some intentional reflection, which really comes from slowing down enough to even make space to consider how you're doing, the state of your heart, how you're feeling, what you're thinking, what you need…

And yet it's so important to consider that concept of sustainability, because while caregiving may be a short term experience, it often is for a longer road. And in order to show up daily, or just about daily for another person, we need to be tuned in to the concept of considering also what we need in order to keep pouring out. I think all of you have probably heard that quote about how you can't pour from an empty cup. And it's one of those that no matter how many times you hear, it can be really good to keep being reminded and to consider for yourself...Am I filled up? What helps me keep pouring out? ...Of all the things, all the various coping strategies and choices and habits and things I can do with my time, which of those things are so life-giving to me that they help me pour out and care for the people that I need to care for?

Am I in a season of growth? Am I in a season of adjustment? Am I in a season of grief? Am I in a season of discipline, perhaps, or just transition…? Am I in a season of loneliness where I really long for more connections? Am I in a season of abundance, where things are going really well and there's just a lot to enjoy, but it's a fast pace? So in this, I just want to encourage you to, similarly to the literal seasons, to name the season you're in in a larger sense. What is this time like for you? And when you can name what it's like, you're validating your internal world and your experience…

…Yet sometimes with stress and anxiety and often perfectionism or a lot of pressure to get it right and to have this perfect image, we can move towards a realm of overfunctioning. And what that means is that it's not really about working hard or showing up or valuing excellence or great work ethic or anything like that. It's more about moving into a realm of having to be all things at all times or perfect at all times or to rescue, instead of really recognizing that we all have limits and that it's okay to do the best you can…

I hope that it's encouraging for anyone listening who has tried counseling before and it wasn't a great experience. It may be that the relationship wasn't what it needed to be. And does that mean you have to write off counseling altogether? Or is it possible that there could be a better connection with a different counselor?

And so my hope would be today that if you are someone who can very much relate to, yes, I have that scarcity mindset, then take notice. Where does it show up in your life? Is it about your body? Is it about your finances? Is it about your home, your profession, your parenting, your personality? And by noticing it and being cognizant that you naturally maybe go to that thought narrative, then you're in a position to intentionally consider what is it about these pictures or this other person's story that I'm hearing that's maybe a longing for me, and I can name that and I can notice it.

Just as that is one dimension, we also have this other dimension of meaning making, even in the hardest of times of beginning to ask the question—okay, given this reality, what brings joy or hope or any kind of meaning to this holiday season? What makes it feel more bearable? What sparks some light, kind of like opening a door or lifting a shade to a window? What brings light into this holiday season for me or what might bring it into this holiday season for my family?

And if you are experiencing a lot of burnout and a lot of stress, sometimes we really do need to examine our work itself. Certainly that can be a factor. And yet sometimes if we just look at our rhythms and ask ourselves —am I claiming space for rest? Am I claiming space for play? And if not, how can I cultivate that and then reflect back on how I feel. Because maybe the problem may not be work itself, it may be how we approach it, and it may be the boundaries we have around it. It may be what happens in that space outside of work. And this is really something that is not like flipping a switch. This is about a posture of kind of tuning in, of reflecting, of reexamining, of curiosity, and of trying some different things…

So if the narrative in your mind is accusatory, is condemning, is harsh, is extremely critical, that's more of that self-judgment. It's not really helpful. And it takes something that's already hard, the event itself or the emotion itself or the circumstance, and it makes it so much harder because of the state it can kind of bring a person into when whereas self-compassion through self kindness is going to be more graceful, more forgiving, and it doesn't mean that you have to justify everything as no big deal…There still can be a true admittance of “I made a mistake or I didn't handle that in a way that I value or the way that I want.” But the message, the narrative is more about kindness, forgiveness, grace, and kind of a new day mindset…it's less all or nothing. All is not lost. And so it encourages someone to keep, keep striving and keep going and not lose hope.

And so however this lands with you today, I just want to encourage you to think about it, to get curious, to pause, to be reflective. What makes you feel like a person and are you making space for that? Are you leaning into that? Are you giving yourself permission to nurture and care for yourself? This ties into the larger concept of soul care. It encourages well-being and it also really connects to identity and can be, like I said, very rooting and grounding in difficult times.

But this question is really asking about where am I taking on extra weight when it's not mine to carry? Where am I feeling extra responsibility or burden to fix something or to change something or to solve something?

But anytime someone moves to a new town or goes through any kind of major life change, some of the dynamics that can occur are that there can be a lot of loneliness. And again, even in the best of changes, it can feel so jolting that it's like, Who are my people? Am I alone? Am I connected? How do I feel?

I just wanted to share about the concept of really delighting in the small things, especially in the midst of everyday life, which sometimes can feel arduous and mundane and difficult. And sometimes it can be hard to even notice things that delight our souls. And yet that is such a foundational part of well being, and particularly the concept of soul care, which basically is self care and yet of a deeper variety...